The Hard Times

There are times in life when we expect our families to be there for us. I think that in some cases it goes beyond an expectation and becomes more of an innate assumption that during certain events in our life we will experience them with our loved ones. Of course life does not always go as planned and sometimes we do  not get to spend these meaningful moments with the people that we just need to be there with us. We have to make personal adjustments to get through those hard times, even though they may be uncomfortable and sometimes heart breaking. To me, these are the moments that can help shape us into the people we are. The way that we bring ourselves to cope with missing loved ones can often bring out some of our worst weaknesses, but it can also show us how strong we are and how much we can go through.
In one week I will graduate from Adams State College with my bachelor's degree in Psychology with a minor in American Sign Language. For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to graduate college. It always seemed to me that since early in my academic career my family thought that I could be the one to make it through college. Because of this I have just always known that a college degree is the least I could attain in my education to be satisfied. There were times that I did not think that I could do it, and there were times that I was certain that I would not. There were times when I felt others doubt me, and times when I knew others did not think or expect me to do it (even some people that were close to me that I would not have expected it from).  I have always defined myself as a student because I have a need to learn, but we all go through times of doubt and concern. And in these times there were very few people that always supported me. Among these individuals were my mom and my dad. Both of them have always had a resounding faith in me that I could become a college graduate, and I owe so much of where I am today to them and their support.
With that being said, how do I walk across that stage at graduation happy knowing that one of the few people who had always believed in me will not be there with me? How do I take that walk with a smile on my face knowing when I look into the crowd my dad will not be in the seats cheering me on? It has been almost two years since my dad died, and I still cannot imagine him not being there. They say that time heals these pains and you hear that it will get easier. How long do we have to wait to for time to heal us?  The closer I get to graduation the harder it is. Even as I type this I am at a loss for words. I have no idea what I will be thinking about when I receive my diploma. I wish I could make myself have the time of my life. To me, the hardest part has been the little things. Graduation is not just a ceremony, it is an entire process that one gets ready for and a culmination of years of hard work. Getting my chords to graduate, buying my cap and gown, finishing my exit exam, these are all little things that need to be done before graduation are exciting and you want to share just to say you have completed another step in getting closer. It is events like those that have made is so hard up to this point. I know that the ceremony will be the hardest part, but there is so much more that has made this such a difficult event.
This time will come and go and before I know it will be a distant memory. I wish I knew how I will remember it. I wish I knew if I am going to remember this as one of the happiest or saddest days of my life.

What Defines Communication?

As many of you know (sticking to the assumption that only about 10 people I know read this) I am currently learning American Sign Language. I often hear it said that languages such as Italian, Spanish, and French are the romance languages and the languages of love. If this is so than I truly feel that ASL is the language of intimacy. What other languages do you know that involve you and another to give your full attention to someone to understand them? What other languages can make someone not simply tell you something, but involve the whole body as well facial and bodily emotion to convey a message properly? Some of the time it can be easy to feel disconnected from a person standing right in front of you when speaking to them. How often when you are speaking to someone are they looking away from you, or only half listening to you only listening enough to get the bare essentials of the message? This is not the case with ASL. Every time I sign to someone I feel as if they are giving me their full attention and are fully invested in the message that I want them to understand. It seems to me that the deprivation of a sense is what makes this so. I can talk to anyone, but who says that they have to listen. When using ASL there is a sense that communication must come from both parties.

One of my goals at some point before I graduate is to live a day without my sense of hearing. I want to experience not only what it is like not to hear, but also the way people react when they are put in the unfamiliar situation of having a common form of communication removed from the situation. Throughout the course of a class I am taking we have been learning about the discrimination the deaf community faces everyday. But as with many things it is hard to fully understand through the means of a simplified explanation. I made a small step toward this goal by briefly experiencing the life of someone suffering from Usher Syndrome. Ushers is a genetic condition that causes one to lose both vision and hearing over the course of their life. I was completely blind and mostly deaf for around 30 minutes. The complete reliance one someone else is something many have never experienced before. Its hard to imagine the amount of trust in others those with this syndrome would need in order to live comfortably. A large amount of trust had to be put into being led around for 30 minutes, imagine the amount of trust needed for a lifetime.

I guess what I want to say is that I really enjoy learning ASL. If anyone of you ever get the chance to learn ASL or to be introduced into the deaf community please take advantage. ASL has taught me that there is more to communicating that simply taking to someone.

In Memory…

  

It’s been awhile since I wrote here so I decided that it was time for an update. My last entry was around the beginning of the Spring 2010 semester, and now the Fall 2010 semester is just starting. I am glad to be going back to school, this time around I feel that I am ready to take school seriously. I say that not because I never took college seriously, but after my dad died I had a really hard time putting school high on my list of priorities. During that time I was having a hard time motivating myself to do anything. When I started the Spring semester I felt that I would be able to put my feelings about dad’s death aside for awhile and be the student that I am used to being, but it turned out to not be so easy. I was rather disappointed in myself for the quality of much of my work last semester. I have even found it hard to play golf and guitar in some instances because those were the two things we did when we spent time together. I think I had such a hard time with him dying because I have not had much experience with death in my life. I think my dad’s funeral was only the fourth funeral that I had been to, and only the second for someone related to me.

    

I felt that this was a good time for me to write about my dad. His birthday just passed, he would have been 43 on the 24th of August. And it is hard for me to believe that it has almost been a year since he died. In a way I am starting to feel “normal” again. I feel that this summer was exactly what I needed to help me in coming to terms with my dad’s death. I got to spend a lot of time with Elizabeth which really helped. Plus spending time together in Europe was amazing. I also got to meet a bunch of new friends that if not for the trip to Europe I probably would not have had the opportunity to get to know.

I guess I wrote this to say thank you. I want to thank those who helped me to move on in life. And if you are in the picture below than you probably helped more than you know. Most importantly I think I want to thank Elizabeth, who helped me so much this summer. And if you are reading this (since I’m relatively certain that only my friends read this) then you more than like me helped me through whether you realize it or not.

I Am...

The new semester just recently started, and in all honesty I am ready to be back in school. I know that going back to school for most people is a time of relative unease due to the uncertainty that comes with starting new classes, but I see the beginning of each new semester as a fresh start. So far I am glad to report that I think the hardest question of the semester is behind me. I know that sounds odd considering that I have been in school for only a week, but I think it's true. During my first class of Theories of Personality my professor gave us one of the hardest questions that maybe a person can be asked. Our assignment was finish the sentence "I am..." with ten different responses. I know in theory this sounds easy, and there are many easy answers to the question, but if you take it to heart and really think it through it may be the hardest question to answer. One or two responses may come easy, but to consider ten things gets difficult. One of the reasons this is so hard is the amount of self-reflection involved. Looking inward isn't always comfortable. Often times there are things that we can say we are that we don't always want to admit to. Many of us usually don't have the courage to list the things that we are not comfortable with, but in order to be better people these are the things that we need to understand we are. This question, although it encourages us to look at what we think we are, also teaches so much after the fact. It is one of the most insightful things to finish the final response and look back to see just exactly how you define yourself. Not only does it allow you to see more clearly who you are, but also allows you to see who and where you come from. It allows you to see who and what has influenced you. Do you define yourself through your spouse and your marriage, maybe your children? Do you define yourself through your culture, or through your hobbies or your job. As an example and a jumping of point, I will share two of my responses that I feel define me best. I am a husband and I am a student. I define myself through my marriage and my relationship for many reasons, but when I thought about it, I have been with my wife for over a quarter of my life and have known her for almost all of it. I am also a student. When I look at my fellow students, I just feel that I am enjoying sitting in that particular classroom a little more than most of them. I also refer to this not only for academic purposes, but I am always trying to learn from those around me.
As a challenge, try to respond to the question "I am..." ten times. If you choose to accept the challenge, take the time to do it right. How will you fair? Will you take the easy way out and answer the obvious such as "I am tall" or "I am skinny". Or will you take this opportunity to teach yourself something about who you really are. Regardless of how you answer, I guarantee that you will learn something about yourself. It may be through what you put down or what you choose to leave out, but it will all be telling of who you are.

BOOM!!!

Again it's been awhile since I have written a blog. I wish I would have had more time this week to get a few done, but school is pretty crazy right now. Between preparing my RMPA poster, running statistics for Experimental Psychology, and re-writing a paper for Brain and Behavior there hasn't been time for much else other that school work. Gladly the week is nearly over and I leave for Albuquerque tomorrow morning to present my research at the Rocky Mountain Psychological Association's annual conference, and I am very excited to show what I have been working on for two semesters. This should be a very good experience for me, RMPA is not a huge conference so I hope this will allow me to get some experience so that I can be prepared to present at larger conferences.
Other than that, I would like to share with you some stories I found online that I thought were pretty funny. Today's theme (if you can call it that) is an example of why people should not drink. On a flight to Hawaii, a man who had been drinking got up and urinated on the woman next to him. The man was sentenced to three weeks and jail, while the woman said her entire vacation was ruined. I think that would ruin my vacation as well, I would probably be so confused that someone could just urinate on me that I would be freaked out for quite some time. In another incident, two drunken brother got into a little scuffle over a can of pork and beans. One of the bothers threw a punch, when he missed his brother grabbed a kitchen knife and stabbed him. The only thing I can think is how drunk were these guys? How many beers does it take to stab someone over pork and beans?
Oh well, when a person wants some pork and beans he wants some pork and beans. Elsewhere, BOOM!!. I had to give one of those in honor of John Madden. He announced that he will be retiring from announcing football games. Now, I'm not a big fan of John Madden standing there writing all over the screen while I'm trying to watch a game or speaking incoherently at time, but he was entertaining, even if only for comedic value. What I think is sad is the uncertainty of his football legacy. Most people now only know John Madden as the guy who make the video games. What a lot of people these days don't know is that he began his career as a linebacker turned youngest coach in the league. He coached the Raiders to a Superbowl title and was recently inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. I just hope, for his sake, that he will be remembered for his football career and not just the guy with the video games.

Pork and Beans Stabbing:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30246016/

Urinator:
http://tinyurl.com/dhn4hb

Madden Retires:
http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=4073253

There Must Be Some Crack in That Chicken

To get right into it, there are some things that just infuriate me. One of these things being when people call 911 for no reason. I see these stories every now and again, one such story came about a month ago when a woman called the emergency line because McDonald's was out of McNuggets. After she ordered and paid she was informed there were no McNuggets, and was then offered another meal. She was told all sales were final and could not get a refund, and darn it, she didn't want anything other than those McNuggets. I guess, maybe (not really), I can understand her calling once and having the purpose of 911 explained to her, but she called 3 times! What does it take for you to realize a your $3.50 McNuggets aren't classified as an emergency? I wish I could say this were an isolated incident, but yesterday a woman called because her shrimp fried rice didn't have enough shrimp. She should be happy, she at least got what she ordered. But as she said about the chef "He didn't even put extra shrimp in there", and as we all know, that is simply unacceptable and one must involve law enforcement.
There was something that made me quite happy today, and it comes from my love of sport. Today I sat down and watched the PGA's Master's par-3 challenge. I love to watch sporting events like this. For those of you who don't know, the par-3 challenge is always played the day before the years first PGA major starts. The reason I love this event, maybe more so than the actual tournament, is because it shows me how great of a sport golf really is. Many of the players have their kids playing with them, and there are always old school greats that join in. It just show that if you love to play golf you can play it for the rest of your life, and you can share it with everyone around you as a great way to bond.

Question of the Blog: How far would you go to get you some McNuggets?

McNuggets 911:
http://tinyurl.com/b299gj

Shrimp 911:
http://tinyurl.com/c8pljk

Gasoline + Lit Cigarette = ?

It has been a while since I last posted a blog, about a week I think. Quite a bit has happened over the last week, at least more then usual it seems. Last Thursday I made it through my first academic presentation, which went much better then I expected. I was most nervous about taking questions about my research. When I am talking about what I have done there are no surprises and I know what to say, but I have no way of knowing what someone will ask me. I was especially nervous about taking questions due to the fact that the two faculty members I work closest with were both there asking me their own questions. And now that the Student Scholar Days presentation is done, have to hustle to get my RMPA (Rocky Mountain Psychological Association) presentation done. I wish there was more time between presentations, but I am glad the RMPA conference is soon. I have to say that I feel very fortunate to be able present my own original research to not only my peers and professors, but also to others in the field of psychology around the region. Since I am currently a Sophomore I hope I have this opportunity many more times in the next few years.
Since I am studying psychology, I also hope to understand why some people are as stupid as they are. If you read my blog then you know what I am talking about. Yet on a regular basis I still find stories of human stupidity that are nothing short of amazing. And I mean amazing in the sense that they just leave me thoughtless, not just speechless but thoughtless. To get to the point, a 47 year old man started his apartment on fire after cleaning it with gasoline. Of course the guy was smoking a cigarette as he was cleaning as well. Now I'm pretty sure this guy was trying to burn down the building. He stacked the gasoline soaked rags all together, then flicked his cigarette on the pile. After the fire started, instead of pulling a fire alarm he simply yelled fire and walked to the police department. The 47 year old was quoted as saying "he wasn't thinking". It seems pretty clear to me that this was intentional, but I think that even if this were accidental I just wouldn't want to believe a person could be that stupid.

Question of the blog: Do you think he could have possibly started the fire by accident?

Arsonist:
http://tinyurl.com/cycz2s